I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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