need another drink. this is the easiest way
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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