I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
