My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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