do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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