I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
