She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You're like the curious george of whores
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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