so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
