So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
