y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
