I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Randomize
