I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
