he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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