Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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