I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
