Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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