I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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