he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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