he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
