Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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