he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
