It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Randomize
