I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
