College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
