I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
