yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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