there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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