why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
