dude i'm inner monologue high
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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