No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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