Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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