I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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