just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
