garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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