i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
