I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
