i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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