remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize