the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
