dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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