You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
