Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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