Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
