were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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