Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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