four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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