we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
