I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Randomize