So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
