we have officially lost it.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Let the clothes fall where they may.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
