how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
