If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
