SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
