Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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