also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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