Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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