Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
