you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
