my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Ladies don't puke and tell
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
