I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
