I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
