I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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