I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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