my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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