You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
being pregnant is like rehab
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
