Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
