He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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