If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
