idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You ruined the universe
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
