when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Drunk is not a location!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
