Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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