Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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