Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
