Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
