So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize