So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
